When I applied for graduate school as an undergrad in Berkeley, I had no idea what graduate school was actually like. I just knew that it’s the next phase of my education and what I had to do to get a Ph.D. and become a professor. I knew I was going in over my head and looking back, I was way in over my head. I was very shy when I was an undergrad so I didn’t really have too many other students to talk with about anthropology and graduate school (sidenote: grad school really reduced my shyness over the years though I’m still quiet at times). I was working as a volunteer in an archaeology lab under the direction of two graduate students, Barb and Amy.

Barb and Amy gave me a lot of advice but after all of these years I only remember one tip that Barb gave me that proved completely true.

“Find friends outside of school.”

Barb elaborated, suggesting that I find people who share similar interests so I am not spending time with my classmates the entire time. For example, she suggested playing a musical instrument in a community group.

On the surface, this tip seems so insignificant. It’s not even related to studying, taking classes, exams, or anything else academic. In fact, the tip is anything but about academia. How would this help me? I was more concerned about doing well in school and getting used to living in the Midwest.

The following fall in 2001 I found myself in Missouri, far removed from the Bay Area. I thought it was great. I arrived knowing nobody but people in the department were so nice to me. I was also so busy with school so I didn’t look beyond the building for socializing. Things were going well so I was not too concerned about straying from Barb’s tip.

By the end of 2004, everything had changed. I had gotten too close to the wrong people in the department by moving in with one of the other grad students in the summer of 2003. Upon moving in, it was apparent that he was a huge manipulative jerk. Over the next year, working together at school and living together at home had completely worn me down. I became depressed and I gradually lost contact with most of my friends in the department as my roommate was more vocal than I and the others did not want to get involved. I felt betrayed by my peers and withdrew from school in all ways except officially (which I really should have done but I didn’t know until later that it was an option). My classwork suffered and I got my first Bs and Cs of my graduate career. I lost control of my emotions and I had fits of rage, crying, and plans for suicide. I was completely broken as a human being.

It took me years to recover. With the help of MU Counseling and Mental Health, I rebuilt my mind from nothing, relearning how to trust people and how to control my errant thoughts and flashbacks. As I recovered I finally heeded Barb’s advice and looked for people outside of school with whom I could relate. I joined the local comics community. I met some great friends working a temp job at the Assessment Resource Center. A friend from there got me into yoga, which has done wonders for me mentally and physically.

Of course I had to commit myself back to graduate school. I did not recover academically until fall of 2006 when I started working on the project that eventually became my dissertation. In spring of 2010 I started socializing with the department again. In the five years I was absent, most of the graduate students had come and gone, so new students made up most of the group. I found the new students to be a good bunch that formed a strong community in the department. It has been a joy to meet them and it’s been an honor to have come full circle and have them be one of my groups of friends.

Still, as full of camaraderie as they are, I encourage the students to branch out and meet new people in town. Surely my experience was extreme, but with a little planning, a disaster like I have lived could be avoided.

So, seriously, find friends outside of school.

Besides the food, I also showed my parents a few of Columbia’s sights. Our campus tour took us through the Museums of Anthropology and Art and Archaeology as well as the State Historical Society. On the way back from the Fish Shack on Ash Street, I took my family on a impromptu visit to Shelter Gardens. This hidden park was a very nice place to visit, even though it was cold, windy, and threatening to rain.

It will soon be time for me to visit my family. In one week, San Diego. In two weeks, Seattle, and in three weeks, Alaska!

The night before my dissertation defense, I posted on Twitter and Facebook that trying to sleep would be interesting. The outpouring of support I got on Facebook in response to my message was very heartwarming. I’m so glad that the department subculture is mostly one of community and cooperation. The students we have right now are a great bunch and they go out of their way to help each other. Thinking back, it’s amazing how a few horrible people really spoiled the barrel, but they’re gone now and forgotten.

After reading the messages that came in, I did get around five hours of sleep, non-continuous. I was up by 7:30. My roommate actually took time off from work to make me an omelette and wish me well! He had also made cookies for me a few nights prior. He’s basically awesome. I finished the wonderful breakfast, downed a 5 Hour Energy Drink, and headed off at around 8:40.

As I arrived at the department, I was told that I would be using the larger (though still relatively small) classroom in the building. Before, I was told that I would be in the tiny side office. Also, I’ll be breaking in the new projector that was installed over Winter Break! I was a little nervous since changes in venue and technology are not good things ten minutes prior to a talk, but both elements worked out fine in the end.

With minutes to the start of my talk, I felt really barfy. I tried walking it off by going to the museum. I didn’t feel any better physically, but chatting with the museum people made me feel a little better mentally. By the time I walked back to the classroom, my entire committee was there and it was time to start. Jess had also brought in coffee cake. I had a six-pack of bottled water ready (“Dissertation Defense Size”).

For my talk I had Keynote run with a presenter’s display on my MacBook Pro’s screen while the presentation was projected on the big screen. The preview of the next slide (or animation), the timer, and the notes made giving the talk very easy. During rehearsals I didn’t have the presenter’s display so I had a lot of the talk memorized anyway. Eyeing the timer, I could speed up or slow down as I saw fit. I ended the talk at 30 minutes and 45 seconds or so, which was perfect. I also noticed that I felt considerably better towards the end of my talk. During the public Q&A section, Neil asked me something, possibly as revenge for when I asked something at his defense in November. His question, about the archaeological context of the site I studied, pretty much pointed out the major flaw of my study but I think I answered it well enough. After the lone question, the students were ushered out of the room for the confidential part of my defense. As a sign of things to come, I jokingly tried to sneak out with them.

So then it was just my committee and I. Overall I’m very happy with my defense. Everyone seemed to be involved in the process and had interesting things to say about my dissertation. Questions were all fair and insightful. The defense went as I have been told it should go: a conversation with professionals about my research. Of course, since I’ve never had conversations with so many professionals about my research, even that prospect worried me, but I found out that I can in fact talk anthropology with people far more seasoned than I.

I have to say that my defense was more lighthearted than I had imagined. In my mind I was toning down the humor since this is a serious event but, like acting like I was sneaking out of the room, I just had to have some fun. Fortunately, I wasn’t the only one having a good time. Some of my committee joked amongst themselves in response to something someone else said. There were some laughs when talk of DNA analysis led to plans to clone someone from the skeletal collection. At one point, Neil brought in some coffee for everyone. After hearing one of the questions, I said “I’m going to drink my coffee and think of the answer,” and proceeded to take a few drinks as I fought for something intelligent to say. Later, after another question I was jokingly asked if I needed to sip my coffee again and think. “No, I got this one.”

I believe the questioning went for an hour and a half, though with everything going on my brain couldn’t make sense of the wall clock when I furtively glanced at it. At some organic point to wrap-up (I’m guessing), I was ushered out of the conference room so my committee could deliberate amongst themselves concerning my performance. Outside the room, I went back to the museum to decompress with the people there. I felt really good coming out and wasn’t worried at all by that point. A few students were around to see how I was doing. As we chatted, one of my advisors came out and congratulated me. I went back into the classroom and shook hands with everyone else. Success! I thanked everyone for being part of this process and we cleaned up the room.

I walked to the office to talk with the people there. Mary has been working there longer than I’ve been at MU and she gave me a big hug. I took a victory lap through the building before meeting up with my advisors for lunch again at the Heidelberg. After lunch I finally had the opportunity to call my family and send some messages online. Once again, I was so humbled by the responses I got on Facebook. Reading through the comments really made me appreciate all the people who have supported me in spirit or otherwise.

It’s been a few days since my defense and I don’t think what I accomplished has yet to sink in. Granted, I don’t technically have the degree yet. There are a few changes to make based on comments from my committee, and then there will be the final checks for formatting and so on, but the hardest parts by far are over. Hooray!

This week my dissertation work will focus on the discussion section. Last week I ran data analyses comparing my work with those of other PhD candidates before me who have also researched Inca skeletal collections. The results are very enlightening and adds a whole new dimension to my own work. The goal now is to finish writing it up so people will know exactly what my study contributes to the whole.

On Tuesday, some more White Stripes songs are hitting Rock Band. Namely, their most famous ones: Seven Nation Army and Fell in Love with a Girl. As I was telling my roomate, I’m not too keen on listening to the White Stripes as music, but as game levels they’re pretty nifty.

I have a good feeling about Thursday. I just do!

After that, well I had hoped that my friend Mo and her new business would not get mixed up with the wrong crowd, but she fallen in will the St. Louis Craft Mafia. The scary thing is that they are so organized and powerful, they can have an even in broad daylight in St. Louis: the Indie Craft Revolution! It’s this Saturday and Sunday and I’ll probably make it for one of them to lend my usual support. And see the zoo. And Star Clipper. And get delicious food. And…

I just have to wait for the inexorable march of linear time to get all of this rolling. Come on!

Anyway, this kid of thirteen or so with a faded t-shirt and long messy hair that covered one eye was browsing for books about bass guitar. He pointed to an autobiography of Nikki Sixx.

“That book sucks.”

I looked at him quizzically.

“My friend told me to read that book because he is cool like Slash. But he’s not.”

I knew what he was talking about now. “Yeah, Slash is way better.”

The kid’s expression seemed to lift a little, having found someone with similar opinions. “Hey have you heard of the White Stripes?”

“Yep.”

“Wolfmother?”

“Yep.”

The boy looked disappointed. I found that odd since I thought he would be happier finding out that I knew of the bands he liked.

“I ask people if they know those bands and it sucks when they know them already because I want to tell them to listen to them because they’re cool.”

“Ah.”

Unrelatedly I’m petsitting a gerbil for a few hours.

I booted up the Windows 7 side through VMWare, and… Windows alerts me that my copy is “not genuine” (i.e.. I’m a filthy pirate). Well I’m not! Past Microsoft’s dirty insinuations I believe the program that sniffs out pirates was corrupted and, finding internal errors, assumed that it had been hacked. Then it locked me out of the operating system.

I’ve spent the entire day (from 9AM to 4PM (curse you daylight saving time!)) trying to find some way to get a Windows 7 boot disc to start up my VMWare Windows partition. I bought Windows 7 through a digital download so I don’t have a boot disc in hand. I think Dustin and his computer(s) will help me, so until he comes back from work I have to do other things.

I’ve uploaded a few sketches to my DeviantART. Check them out here. These are mostly from 2001-2003 I think.

Flickr also has more vacation photos.

It is with great relief that my advisor has told me that I am in fact near a clearing. The analysis I have been working on has been deemed solid and meaningful. Very little more is needed to fill in the gaps. Now the task is for me to write it down and present it to my committee. Another step I have to take is to start applying for jobs. Just as the forest is one of my own design, the clearing (which isn’t clear at all) will also be my own doing.

{Upper left: Amy and Lori from Collegetown. Right: Karie from The Epic of Karie.}

The funny thing is that a lot of these are on class notes. How did I find the class time to do all of these? I guess there is a funnier thing: the class notes without drawings were recycled a long time ago.